What She Really Means

At long last... The Men's Guide to what a woman really means when she says something.

• You want = You want
• We need = I want
• It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
• Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.
• We need to talk = I need to complain
• Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to.
• I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
• You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
• You're certainly attentive tonight. = Is sex all you ever think about?
• I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I'm on my period.
• Be romantic, turn out the lights. = I have flabby thighs.
• This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.
• I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....
• I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white.
• Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
• I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.
• Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
• How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like.
• I'll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.
• Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.
• You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.
• Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]
• Yes = No
• No = No
• Maybe = No
• I'm sorry. = You'll be sorry.
• Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it.
• Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.
• I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.
• All we're going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new pocket books, and OMIGOD those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?

(The answer to "What's wrong?")

• The same old thing = Nothing
• Nothing = Everything
• Everything = My PMS is acting up
• Nothing, really = It's just that you're such an asshole
• I don't want to talk about it = Go away, I'm still building up steam